pushed.

I've always loved returning to where I grew up in the bush outside of Bendigo, the kids get to throw sticks and rocks and run wild without me having to make sure they don't run on the road or tell them off.  Plus I usually get to shoot some photos just for me, just for fun.  But unfortunately the last 3 trips haven't been fruitful...

The pic above is of my youngest patting me to sleep in my creek bed.  The creek was completely dry and I found the perfect grooves to nestle in and it was absolute bliss, I totally could've had a nap, literally two minutes later - cue crying, someone's got something in their eye and we have to go.  We try again later then the other one gets something in his eye and screams the place down so we have to go.

Another day I do manage to get a photo done with them which was the media pic for a friend's theater production.  I spot a couple of great locations and return the next day to shoot some stuff while the boys play.

We get out there and I'm dancing around forever and just can't get the right composition, it's not happening.  The boys are throwing sticks into the creek and one of them accidentally throws my remote in as well.  No pictures are going to be made today.

Another day we return to the dry creek bed yet again and I'm trying to make something out of a great location in the blazing midday sun, I wanted to get out there in the morning for the nice light but it takes some serious tantrums before my youngest agrees to get in the car...  I do actually shoot some stuff and all I manage to get out of it is this;

Which I don't mind, it's got some grunt which is the kind of work I want to make more of.  More grunt and grit, less pretty.

On the same day we return yet again to the forest where there's been controlled fires and the trees are regrowing and it's so beautiful, the black with the silver blue hues.  LOVE.  I dance around for a bit, pick my spot, take out my tripod aaaaaand - someone needs the toilet so we have to go.

 Which brings us to today.  It's my last bush trip before my op so I probably won't be back for a few months.  And of course I have a million ideas I want to get out, especially as I won't be able to use my arms for a while, so the pressure is on.  My youngest was up from the wee hours so we're all tired, it's a crazy wintery day but the sun breaks in the afternoon so out to the bush we go!  The boys finally go into their own world and are happily playing a game they've made up, I've found a perch on a beautiful big rock jutting out of the land in the sunshine.  Today I was starting small, my aim was to make two text based photos from some messages popping up in meditation.  This was as far as I got as one of the kids managed to slip into the only puddle of water in the creek bed and get completely drenched on a 10c day!  So we had to go.

My plan for this year was to do less paid more and more of my work as my ideas list is getting out of control, I just want to bunker down and MAKE.  And somehow life is still insanely busy like last year, I'm forever rushing and I need it to STOP.  There's so much to do before my surgery in 2 weeks - getting my paid work up to date, making sure onefourfour still runs while I'm out of action, cooking and baking my head off so I have a stash of vegan food ready for when I get home from hospital, making sure the kids are sorted, and OH LORDY does the house need a serious declutter and clean.  Did I mention it's school holidays?  Oh yea, and my arts practice.  That need some attention too.

Anyhoo what is the point of this ramble?  Is the universe putting up barriers to teach me something?  To remind me how much I need my practice?  Or do I just need some child free time?!  I'm not really sure.  I'm tired.  I'll definitely be doing some serious planning while I'm sitting around recovering, I see it as a chance to evaluate how I've been existing and how I want to start living.  Post surgery will see my practice go from the bottom to the top of the ladder that's for sure.

I've also been text-whinging while writing this.  Apparently multitasking is bad so I better stop that too.  Onwards and upwards my friends!! xx

Oh and I bought a new remote today.

pulleys and thread

pulleys and thread

I'm not really sure where to begin, so I guess I'll start at the start...

My maternal grandmother passed away from breast cancer when my mum was 7, my mum had breast cancer when I was 21, and my aunty had breast cancer last year.  I was tested about 8 years ago which confirmed I have BRCA2, the gene defect that means I'm high risk for breast and ovarian cancer - I think the stats were 60-85% chance of getting cancer.  Ps. Hey doctors if there's 3 of you coming in to give someone results it kinda gives it away...

The next step was to become a part of the Peter Mac family and go in every 6 months for a physical check up, and have a mammogram and MRI every year.  It hasn't worried me to have the gene I just found going in so regularly with two young kids in tow slightly pesky.  It was only when my aunty got cancer that I had a reality check, that it's probably a case of when I get cancer rather than if.

I've decided to have a mastectomy this year which will take my chance of getting cancer down to 1-2%, and I'll have a hysterectomy in a year or two.  And then no more Peter Mac!!!!  (don't get me wrong, everyone at Peter Mac is super lovely)  I've also decided to take part in a clinical research which consists of having a biopsy of breast tissue, I'll have a few injections, they'll take another biopsy at the time of my surgery, then they can compare what the drug does to the cells over time and hopefully it will help someone!

If I get cancer I'd have to have the surgery anyway plus chemo and maybe radio.  So rather than get sick I'll have the surgery, be sore for a while and then be on my merry way.  Well that's the plan anyhoo.

I was a little unsure about going public with this but decided that I want to keep a journal to help me process these experiences.  Taking photographs helps me file away thoughts, extra room in my brain is always good - it's valuable real estate up there.  I've been shooting black and white film, using my phone when I can't use my camera, and will do some self portraits.  No gory stuff don't worry, but more observations.  I see this body of working coming together as a photo book with a fabric cover embossed with gold lettering FREE BOOB JOB.  I've called the work pulleys and thread though, searching for free boob jobs on the internet doesn't seem like the best idea somehow...  This body of work will be shot from the hip, often literally, lofi and honest.  It might totally suck and I'll never exhibit it but I definitely need to make the work.  I'm sharing images on my instagram account and will write about it here.

So far I've had lots of appointments, a MRI, a biopsy, an injection, and blood tests.  I'll write about those experiences next time......

between worlds.

A collection of images from our summer travels...

thisplace. opening

Thank you so much to everyone who came along to the opening of thisplace!  It was a brilliant turn out and I really appreciate everyone's support.  And thank you to Town Hall Gallery who are brilliant to work with and put on awesome openings!  I lugged my camera to the opening but of course didn't take a single photo, luckily THG took some photos on the day.

There's still plenty of time to see the work and contribute to the installation as the show is on until the 22nd.  Plus I'll be in the gallery doing an artist talk on Saturday 14th February from 1pm.  Following the talk there will be an Art Hunt where the audience will be invited to hunt for art treasure in the building it's going to be fun!

performance piece for thisplace.

We recorded a performance piece for my solo show thisplace. which I'll write more about soon, but in the meantime here's a write up of the experience by participant and artist Siobhan Kelley http://siobhankelley.blogspot.com.au/2014/12/girls-can-do-anything.html.  Thanks Siobhan!! x

Disposable Camera Project 2014

I had grand plans for all the elaborate photos I was going to take for this years Disposable Camera Project run by Colour Box Studio.  But my body decided to get sick and ground me, so it turned into a diary of my 24 hours instead.  My 20th and 21st of September went like this...